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5 Common Needs Unhappy Couples Experience That Mould & Destroy Their Relationships and How To Eliminate These Needs.

October 26, 2017

 

 

Do you ever think or say things like, “No matter how much or what I do, it is never enough.”

 

Sound familiar?

 

Have you ever reacted automatically from your emotions button being “pressed” then wished you could take things back because you hurt someone and you feel guilty?

 

What does it require to have great and loving long-lasting relationships?

 

To resolve any issues and challenges, you first need to identify and eliminate their source... and that may not be what you think – your partner

 

Let’s start the count down of the 5 beliefs.

 

 

NEED # 5 – YOUR EXPECTATIONS

 

How do you feel when your partner does not consider your desires and wishes, does not meet your expectations?

 

Many people may claim not to have expectations of their partners. Yet they get upset when things don’t happen the way they would like/expect.

 

Some of the reasons for you getting into intimate relationships is to experience love, caring, belonging, friendship, support, parenthood, etc. To fulfil your emotional desires and needs or overcome fears of being alone, not wanted, feeling “not good enough.” In other words, you are there because YOU WANT SOMETHING from the relationship – your partner. Your partner is equally likely be in the relationship for the same objective, TO GET SOMETHING from YOU. Both of you therefore have expectations that the other needs to satisfy. And as you may have experienced, provided your respective expectations are met, things go well. However, the moment that changes, issues and challenges begin to emerge.

 

That kick starts the game of BLAMING one another.  This leads to the next need # 4

 

 

NEED # 4 – “WORK AT IT”
 

Have are you “working on your relationship to make it work?”

 

It’s what you have been told and expected to do right? “No pain – no gain” (... “no working at – no sex”).

 

The “working at,” however, could be compounding the problem because of need # 3.

 

 

NEED # 3 – COMPROMISE

 

How often you / do you give up on what you really want and compromise to “keep the peace”, out of feeling guilty, because you believe you are “not good enough?”

 

Compromise is considered essential to make relationships work. But is it really? Why do you compromise? Mainly, to avoid the possible consequences you may have to face if you didn’t. Which means that your reason for COMPROMISING is really to satisfy your fears and emotional needs. If it wasn’t for that, it is unlikely you would compromise.

 

What you (likely) do not know, is that COMPROMISE actually is the source of your issues and challenges in your relationship/s... and many other parts of your life.

 

As compromise requires you to give up on what you really want, this leads you to need # 2

 

 

NEED # 2 – FREEDOM OF CHOICE (real)

 

“Would you really continue to do everything you are doing right now in your life IF you had absolute free choice to change without facing any adverse consequences?

 

The bottom line effect of compromise is giving up / foregoing exercising FREEDOM OF CHOICE for fear of the possible consequences you might face – guilt, rejection, feeling “not good enough” and so on. To avoid facing these, after duly considering all the possible consequence, you take a DECISION to do what is expected of you. As your DECISIONS are based on FEAR, you end up a VICTIM OF YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES – the source of your frustrations, stress, depression, anxieties, etc.

 

The core driving force for your fears and compromise is to satisfy need # 1.

 

 

NEED # 1 – “I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH” ... the fundamental source of the problem

 

Despite everything that is said and the efforts made to overcome this feeling, most people I have spoken to tell me how, not matter what they do, they still experience feelings being “not good enough.”

 

Whilst conventional therapy “tools” for changing your mind set and mental re-programming of life-time internalised negative messages may address some issues, they do not address the underlying source and guide the person to ELIMINATE it. These “tools” only deal with the “tip” of the problem, the top 10% of your emotions iceberg. Whereas the real destructive force is a greater, underlying 90%.

 

In my experience, conventional methods or therapy and mentoring are having the effect of greatly “trivialising” the actual impact these feelings have in your life... and in your relationship/s.

 

The solution to your relationship issues and challenges is achieved by managing the top 10%. It lies in addressing and eliminating the greater underlying 90% of your “iceberg” as that is also the source trigger and driver of the other 4 beliefs above (and others).

 

unMOULDing yourself from this belied will reshape YOUR life and resolve your relationship issues and challenges

 

I have developed the sole unique technique of mentoring you to unMOULD and reshape your life and relationship/s.

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